I've only had to hours of sleep but instead of napping, I decided to make a new ID.
Where to begin? Why none else than the very beginning.
I decided to look at my past works I have posted here and felt a variety of emotions. Some were embarrassment, disgust, shame, etc. But there was also some amazement. I created my account October 22, 2010; soon to be almost four years. I find it hard to believe that I've made it this far here. My first deviation submitted on dA was a pencil drawing of Terra Branford (Dissidia version), which can be found here
. When I finished drawing it, I was so proud of it that I showed it to my friends. This was when I was in college, more specifically my junior
year. When I looked back it further down the road I felt so ashamed. How could I let people see this?! The anatomy is horrible, expression bland, ugh!!! Same could be said of my earlier works, which were primarily Kuja x Terra fanart (still my guilty ship). I was really into Dissidia during my earlier years, as well as Final Fantasy IX, so I drew a bit of fanart.
Around the time Pokemon Black/White was coming around, I started doing more Pokemon fanart. Silly Bachuru
was one of my most popular submissions in the early days of my time here, later follwed by Drift
(Ranamon fanart). They still get faved, even now. A number of my earlier works were traditional, since I didn't have a tablet, and I had to use the scanner on campus to get a digital copy. It wasn't until March 2012 (my senior year) that I finally got a tablet. I was so eager to put my drawing abilities to the test. It was also around this time that I was getting really into nuzlockes, and thought "Hey, I should do a comic like all the cool kids!!" I was, to my dismay, one of those people who wanted to get famous with a cool comic. I don't know why I wanted that, and it's best not to find out why. So I made the cover for my dead Ruby Nuzlocke, which you can see here
(bleach your eyes afterwards). Unfortunately, I only made one page of the comic and it kind of died afterwards. Exams and getting ready for graduation kind of played a part, but also my short attention span prevented the comic from continuing.
And then, heavily inspired by
, I started drawing Pokemon Gijinkas. The first one I submitted was this cutie
; and then later on her evolution
. I continued doing gijinkas, and then started another failed nuzlocke comic (Leafy Green) and then later on my Digimon World Dusk comic. Oh, and let's not forget the incomplete Advent of Pokemon calender! I have a really bad habit of starting projects and never finishing them, some of which I compiled into art dumps. However, over the course of failed attempts and unfinished projects, I started working with different techniques (mainly coloring) and started to grow. Then came along the first stage of Pokemon Fusion. This prompeted my most favorited works, Tentafree
(little shit has 524 favorites and still growing?!). Today I have submitted over 150 deviations, counting this one here.
And now we reach to the present. I have been out of school for two years, work two mind-numbing jobs, and have an apartment of my own. A lot has happened within these four years; here and in my life. It could be a hell of a lot better, but it could be a fuckton worse. I'm often tired due to work, and I don't have as much motivation to draw as I used to. I really want to make a living drawing, but I don't know where to look or what it is I want to do exactly. Having a Bachelor's in Graphic Design, you would think I would have some kind of chance. Yeah...not looking good right now...I have a lot of regrets; not applying myself more, not being more confident and sociable, being a huge procrastinator...the list goes on.
But you know, we all have those kinds of flaws. There are parts of our past that, with the mind set we had then, didn't seem so bad. Then you start looking back, and think to yourself "What the fuck was I thinking? Why did I say/do that? How did people let me get away with it?!" I do it all the time, and there are times I want to go back in time and punch my younger self in the stomach because goddamn was I fucking stupid and naive. But you know what; that's what makes us human. We can look back at our old selves and learn from our mistakes (granted not EVERYONE, but a good majority) and we IMPROVE. That's what I was thinking when look back at my Terra drawing. It is so horrid to look at and I just wondered why I even try drawing in the first place.
But then I look at my more recent works and while they do have flaws, I can definetly tell I have improved over these four years here. And for once, I actually feel a little proud of myself. That's kind of what life is I guess. And that's what I was trying to go for with this new ID. We all start out with something that we were so proud of when we were younger, and then kind of shudder at when we are older and more aware. But we take another look at it and compare it to what we have made/done today and realize that time, practice, patience, and all that other good stuff made us better. And it will continue to do so. I want that for everyone, so even if you feel like you're not getting anywhere...just give it time. You will improve and get better, but don't forget where you started from. Because that starting point got you to where you are today.
Sorry for the long ramble, and I am also sorry if this sounds like rubbish to you all...but I really do aim to get better at drawing.